Adventures in weight loss week 1

On June 9, 2012 I have the honor of participating in the wedding of two lovely people.

The dress the bride has chosen for me is GORGEOUS. And although I may wear jeans, t-shirts and converse high tops 90% of the time, I do enjoy dressing up in pretty clothes. I love clothes. I love fashion. And if you ever had the privilege of seeing my closet you would think it belonged to another person. This is yet another reason on a list of reasons for me to embark on this weight loss plan.

Along with selfish fashion reasons I have other equally selfish and not so selfish reasons for wanting to slim down.

Near the top of the list is that I want to act more. I love it, the acting, but sadly there are not many parts for a chubby albeit hilarious girl. I know I have passed the age of being an ingenue, although honestly I don't believe I was ever the ingenue type. But losing weight will make other parts a little more reachable if I also continue to work on the craft.

Another reason is for my health. I have so many family members that are over weight, have high blood pressure and cholesterol and eventually are diagnosed with diabetes. And now that I am a parent it is very important to me to show my boys the importance of being healthy and staying active.

And my last reason for my desired weight loss? It sounds crazy but I have never been a slim and healthy person. I have always been chubby or plain out fat. I would really like to be able to wear anything I want. I want to wear tank tops! I want to wear skimpy dresses before I get to old! And damn it! I want to wear a bikini! It sounds really crazy, but these are the things I want.

Finally my plan...

I am going to lose a grand total of 30 pounds. Bringing my weight loss total for the last year and a half to nearly 70 pounds. Holy cow, When I moved back to California I was weighing in at 198 pounds. Which is ridiculous. I can't believe I let myself get that heavy. I know 30 pounds sounds like a lot, but really it isn't all that much.

With a diet of low carbs, low/no sugar and daily workouts varying cardio and weight lifting I have no doubt that I will reach my goal.

I invite you all to follow my progress and crazy cravings. Words of encouragement are welcome. Telling me my plan is preposterous is not.


And anyone that would like to join me in my weight loss please feel free. I will blog my weekly progress, workouts, how I fight cravings and what I choose to eat on my cheat days. In the words of my TES family, LETS DO THIS!

Love, happiness and sunshine.

I have a feeling I'm opening up a can of worms. Watch out.

You may or may not have read my last blog. That weird third person one where I could have been talking about someone else named Michelle. For those a little slow on the draw I was talking about myself.

If you need to go back and read it I'll wait while you do.

...don't be lazy. Go back a read it. Its not that long. I'm patient, I can wait. Really.

Okay, I know at least one of the two of you that read this blog didn't go back, but we will move forward for the person that did. ;)

So continue on my path of being truthful with myself and those around me I must make a confession. It is a topic that I have been thinking about lately, and it may be a touchy topic for some. Which is kind of funny. Being that it really isn't that big of a deal, at least I don't think it is. I guess on some levels it is a big deal. Early in my life I didn't BELIEVE deep down it was, but I guess it really was, considering that it made me a little angry and a lot annoyed the other night when I made a surprise confession to a room full of cast mates.

The topic of issue is my name.

As you may know, I never changed my name after I was married. I am now entering my 11th year of marriage and I have not once put forth any effort to make a change. Although I may have said that it was because I was lazy and simply did not want to stand in line at the social security office and DMV for hours changing it, only to have to then change all of my credit cards, accounts, etc etc etc. The truth is, I NEVER WANTED TO CHANGE MY NAME.

There I said it.

I never wanted to change my name. And deep down I'm pretty certain that I never intended to. Apologies to my husband, Eric, but this is the first time I can say it out loud for some reason.

Call me a feminist or whatever, but the truth is I love my name. I like the way it flows. I'm attached to it. it is who I am and who I want to be. And even though it may never ever happen I still hold on to that dream that I may be famous one day.

In truth, Eric never really pushed me to change my name until recently. Maybe this is why this topic has been on my brain for some time now. And honestly it feels so good to say it and admit it not only to myself, but to everyone else as well.

I'm not Michelle Tolley.

I'm not Michelle Guerrero Tolley.

I'm not MGT.

I'm not "Female Tolley". A nickname I have to thank my beloved friend Alison for. I'm sorry dear friend, but I really dislike it. In fact I hate it and I cringe every time some one calls me "Female Tolley". So for those of you that do, please stop. Because very soon I will stop answering to it.

Surprisingly my research found that most countries require that women DO NOT change their name after marriage and others require the names of the spouses to be conjoined or blended. It is believed that England started the tradition of changing the woman's name to the husbands after marriage, essentially making the woman property. First she was property or as they say "Under protection" of her father and after she is married she becomes property or "Under protection" of her husband.

Like I said I'm not a huge feminist, but I am for equality. And the tradition of name changing is not fair in the slightest. Why do I have to change essentially who I am, who the world knows me as and calls me because I got married? Why don't husbands? How is that fair? Eric once made the comment that he hates it when businesses refer to him as Mr. Guerrero because that is not his name. Well guess what? I may not like when businesses refer to me as Mrs. Tolley because that is not my name. Fair is fair right? And some may argue that "it's just a name" whats the big deal. If its not a big deal then I'll just keep my name as is, thanks.

Long story short I just see no point in this tradition.I see no point and I don't know why this is such a hot button for so many people. Why do you men insist that your wife changes her name? Is it because you want all the other men in the world to know that she is now yours? Sorry, but I don't "belong" to any one person. My husband does not get to dictate my daily routine, nor do I his. We work together as a team. Granted I am a spoiled brat and he does a lot to further my spoiled-ness, but that is how it has always been since the day we met. If  it is an issue of trust than there is no point of even staying married if a husband believes that the reason his wife refuses to change her name is because she wants to run around with every man she meets. Sorry men, if this were true a name change would not do anything to stop your woman from being the town whore. It is simply preposterous to think a different last name will change that.

I must make this point clear though. I DO NOT FAULT ANY WOMAN THAT WANTS TO CHANGE HER NAME. I do not believe in forcing my beliefs on anyone. I do not expect everyone to think the same way my crazy brain thinks. This is just how I feel. If you want to take on your beloved spouses name that is your business. But, I expect the same courtesy in return. Don't rant and rail to me about how I'm emasculating my husband or how I really must not want to be married because I don't want to take my husbands name. That is ridiculous. Use common sense people. There is no underlying factor here. No hidden agenda. I'm just being frank.

My name is Michelle Guerrero. I am married to Eric Tolley. We have two BEAUTIFUL sons, Connor and Gabriel Tolley.

And one day I'll be famous.

It will happen. Watch and see.

...hopefully it will be for something like my writing and not for robbing a bank to pay for my boys education.

Whatever happened to that one girl?

I used to know this one girl. 

She was feisty, spunky, spoke her mind and didn't take any shit from any one. 

Her name was Michelle and I thought she was pretty cool. 

I don't know why, but she went away a few years ago. She pulled away from the things she loved and became depressed. She hid her real feelings and forgot that her opinion was key to her happiness. And though I would run into her once in a awhile the times it did became fewer and fewer and I would go years without so much as a glimpse.  

That made me sad.

The last year I have tried multiple times to get back in touch with her. And while she did make several appearances it seemed I couldn't coerce her into staying around for very long. I think her insecurities got the best of her sometimes and she thought it was safer to hide. 

But joy of joys! She has been around more the last couple days, more so than she has been for a long time.

And this morning she was with me when I woke up this morning. You can't comprehend how happy I was when she told me that she decided she wanted to come back. And that while it will be difficult she has promised to stick it out, no matter what happens.

First thing is no more lying to herself. She got into a bad habit of sugar coating and not being honest when confronted. She would lie and pretend everything was okay when it most certainly was not. Why? Maybe she thought it was for the benefit of others. She had convinced herself that it was because she did not want to hurt another person's feelings instead of thinking of her own feelings? Who knows, but it is ending. She knows while no one likes a harshly blunt person there are polite ways to be truthful. And although not everyone likes the truth she doesn't want to pretend anymore. 

She believes that it was this one thing, the smile and nod and agreeing for "politeness" sake that caused her to lose her muchness. 

And this is why it must end. 

Hopefully old friends will remember the spunky Michelle.

Hopefully they have not grown accustomed to the placating Michelle.

Hopefully new friends will remember the glimpses of the real Michelle and not be surprised or too terribly offended when they see all the time.

And it all of these hopes fall flat on their face?

Oh well.

Disappointment is a part of life and we all have to get used to it, right?

Right.

Sunshine, Love and Happiness all

Michelle 

Realists Unite!

Not as catchy as Thunder Cats Ho! but it will do. BTW this is not a Michelle life blog. This is a political rant. I know I said I was going to try and lay off the rantings in 2012, but God Damn It that stupid caucus and the stupid useless politicians are plaguing the air waves right now and I can't escape them.

SO I was listening to NPR last night and  becoming more and more disgusted with politicians and the current candidates vying for a seat in the Presidential race. But even more disgusted with the blind people that support said candidates. There is so much mud slinging, back biting, bribing and straight out lying that I have decided I am going to start my own political party, The Realists.

The Realists will be for promoting a world based in reality. Based on ACTUAL equal rights for all, not just for some, not just for the people that agree to crazy narrow minded ideals. A world where people are held accountable for their actions and if someone can't do their job they forfeit their position to someone who will try. There will be no more arguing for your own agenda, instead we will fight to do what is right for the people. And while what is best may not make all of those people happy it will still be what is best for the country as a whole.

First, how is it fair, right or even legal for one person to decide who another person loves, marries and spends their life with? How would like for me to walk into your house and tell you that you can't stay married to your spouse because they have blond hair? Not the same because hair color and sexual preference are two separate things? Fine. If you want to bring sex into it. Then you can't stay married to your spouse because the only way to sexually gratify them is to give them Felicio. (Don't know that word? Then you're not old enough to be having sexual intercourse.)

Second, and this is kind of tied into the first. The bible is not your personal weapon to use when you don't like what some one is doing in their personal life. The bible is not open for interpretation on some levels and then meant to be taken literal on other levels ie being gay/gay marriage. Sorry, you can not pick and choose. Nor can you force your religious beliefs  onto other people. Why is your God the only right God. And for that matter why is your religion pertinent to the running of the country. Currently there are 313 different religions in the United States. How would it be fair to those other 312 other religions if our government instituted a religion that its citizens must live by.

Third, The Realist Party will stay out of its citizens minds, pants and bedroom. The government is not an institution that should tell someone how to think. (I know this can also fall under number 2, but wait.) The government is also not in charge of telling a woman that she can not take birth control or get an abortion. The government should not take away the rights of its people. Notice a theme here? The last time I checked this was not Communist China. (Now who you calling a Commie little Miss Tea Party?)

For the upteenth time the Government is here to ensure the safety and prosperity of its people. Not SOME of the people. ALL of its people. If I were a homosexual living in this climate I would stop paying taxes. If my government is not going to provide me the same rights as the rest of its citizens and pretty much classify me as a second class citizen I would say "FINE! If that is the case you can't have any of my second class money!" HOW IS THIS FAIR PEOPLE?!?!?!

Seriously it boggles my mind.

Anyone? Anyone?

I digress...

What number was I on? Fuggit. I'm going to ramble for a moment because this blog post will soon be a novel.

We need education and teachers. It is essential to the survival of the country. Teachers are not evil lazy people that want to work as little as possible and steal the nations money. Nor can they work properly with 40 screaming bratty children in their classroom. You try it for a day and then tell me that teachers are over paid.

We also need military, police, firemen (not only for my own viewing pleasure but to also put out fires) and social workers.

The people listed above should not work for free. A Tea Party member stated on NPR that those in Social Service should do their job for free and not at the cost of the government because they love their job. Which makes sense. If social workers, policemen, firemen, and military people were robots and did not have families to provide for.

WE NEED TAXES! As much as taxes suck the country DOES needs them to survive. You like feeling safe with the police a phone call away? You like having a fire department? You like having nice smooth roads to drive on? That all comes from taxes you idiots. And get this...EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE TO PAY THEIR FAIR SHARE! Why should the richest of the rich get to sit on the backs of the lower and middle class?! Why is that okay?! What all of you "conservatives" are not comprehending is that the taxes you are fighting so hard against are for the upper class. For those that make over 1 million per year. So unless you are lucky enough to fall under that tax bracket sit your happy ass down because you are only fighting for the man. And the man only wants to keep us down! Joking....kind of...

So what my above rant sums up to is simple. We need a political party that is honest. That does not have an "agenda". A party that will fight for the rights of all Americans, not just the ones that serve their own goals or line their wallets. We need a government that does their job and stops the insecent in fighting that has recently brought our country to its knees. We need someone to stand up to the politicians that want to serve themselves before they serve the people they are supposed to represent. People in positions of trust need to be held accountable when they break the law. If you steal a bajillion dollars and throw the country's financial situation into chaos guess what?! You're going to jail ass hat! And not just a little slap on the hand! You will go to federal prison. FOR A LONG TIME.

The current climate of this country is sickening. It is like we have stepped back 100 years in time where being a racist and a bigot is okay. Where the upper crust can commit crimes and pay their way out of persecution.

We as a country have become what we fought so hard against.

We as a people have grown hateful, lazy and oppressive.

I have said it before, but I will say it again.

There needs to be a revolution soon.

If there isn't a change soon we might as well appoint Michelle Bachman President and High Mucky Muck and let her convince people that slavery is okay and that slaves were okay with it because they had a shared belief of God with their slave owners. (True story)

So think twice before you drink the kool aid. Think twice before you believe what the talking heads on FOX news spout. This isn't about Republicans or Democrats or Tea Parties anymore. This is about doing what is right. This is about being real instead living in a fantasy land where everything is black and white. This is about putting an end to the oppression. This is about putting an end to giving up our rights.

This is about being a Realist.

You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet

I had a few blogs that I had written prior to the end of 2011. I decided to scrap them in lieu of my outlook for 2012.

Don't worry, you didn't miss much. I went back and read them and it was just me ranting and complaining.

In reviewing my Face Book note written at the end of 2010 on my plans for 2011 I was reminded that 2011 was supposed to be my year. The year I finally stop being a whiny chick that complains about her situation at every possible chance. 2011 was going to be the year that I take by the horns and make my bitch!

Sadly, things did not happen the way I had planned. But in reality, I only have myself to blame. I am a self saboteur. Notoriously so.

I always try to set very attainable goals for myself. Goals that can only have good benefits for me in the long run and I ALWAYS find some way to ensure they don't come to fruition.

I am a self sabotager.

The bad thing is I know this about myself and still do nothing to change it.

For example. I started a pretty strict workout regime in 2011. Mostly to prepare for my role as Blue in the production of Beirut. I was about 3 pounds away from from my goal weight. I was able to run roughly 23 miles on the treadmill per workout and still have energy to lift weights. I was a solid muscle. I was in near peak physical condition and felt fantastic. Still, after Beirut closed, I stopped going to the gym every day, I stopped implementing my strict diet and went back to my bad habits. Two months later I have gone squishy. Luckily I have not gained a lot of weight, maybe 5 pounds total, but I've lost all my tone and definition. So now I have to hit the gym harder than before. Joy of joys.

According to my note my plans for 2011 were as follows:
Losing at LEAST 15 pounds. I would like a total of 20. - Lost a total of 10, bringing my total weight loss to 60. I would still like to lose another 15 total.
Finishing a BIG project. But more of that later. - This didn't happen.

Gaining funding for Anti-Hero. -This didn't happen, but I am still trying.
Taking guitar lessons with Connor. -This didn't happen.

Starting some sort of martial arts class again. -This didn't happen.

Getting Gabriel into drum lessons. -This didn't happen.

Taking a big trip with Eric for our 10 year (HOLY HELL!) Anniversary. -This didn't happen.

Visit my sister, family and friends in Colorado. -This didn't happen.

Take my mom on a BIG trip to New Orleans for her 50th birftday. -This didn't happen.

Sadly ta big reason all of my plans didn't happen was because Eric lost his job in January of 2011. A fantastic way to start the year. And due the lovely financial climate of the country right now he has not been able to find another job.

While I understand that until another form of income is attained most of these will no be possible I will move 2011's goals over to 2012, with minor adjustments of course. I will also add the following:

1. Stop sabotaging my plans.
2. Stop complaining, if I can't do anything to fix what is wrong I will have to let it go.
3. Cut out the negative from my life.
4. Spread as much positive energy as possible. I give myself until the 16th of January to finish my positivity messages to my friends.
5. While I will cut out the negative and bring in the positive I will also not let outside people influence how I feel. Nor will I allow other peoples bad attitudes influence my happy bubble. This will go without saying that if you are being a whiny bastard I will tell you. Not only will I be helping myself I will be helping you. Whether you take it as a helpful statement is up to you.
6. I will write at least 2 hours a day, 5 days a week.
7. Enter completed scripts in at least 7 separate writing contests.
8. Complete 2 separate mud runs and/or marathons.
9. Spend quality time learning about me.
10. Take 2 girls trips with my girls. It has been two years since our last one and that is too much time.
11. Stop being a wuss. Bring the sassy Michelle back that isn't afraid to stand up to evil people and takes no crap from anybody.
12. Be honest. With myself and other people. I am honest to a degree, but I need to stop fooling myself about some things and just accept what I know to be true.
13. Continue to write this blog, at least once per day.

I know that sounds like a lot, but I don't think it is. And I know that many of my friends think I am a crazy person that does way too much as it is. With what I do at The Empty Space, my boys, my writing and acting and directing, you would think my schedule is completely full.

But it isn't.

You ain't seen nothing yet my friends.

I have only been operating at maybe 1/2 of what I know I am capable of. And now I'm ready to turn it up, full throttle. No more woe is me, no more whining about how much my life sucks, no more being lazy, no more sitting back and letting life pass me by. No more self sabotage. Life is only as good as you make it and I'm going to make mine as wonderful as possible. Because it is only when you make yourself happy can you make those around you happy.

Here's to being happy friends and family. Let's not talk about 2011 anymore, let's move on. We've learned our lesson. Let's bring on the positive and throw out the negative.

Hi 2012! My name is Michelle and I am here to kick your ass.