You may or may not have read my last blog. That weird third person one where I could have been talking about someone else named Michelle. For those a little slow on the draw I was talking about myself.
If you need to go back and read it I'll wait while you do.
...don't be lazy. Go back a read it. Its not that long. I'm patient, I can wait. Really.
Okay, I know at least one of the two of you that read this blog didn't go back, but we will move forward for the person that did. ;)
So continue on my path of being truthful with myself and those around me I must make a confession. It is a topic that I have been thinking about lately, and it may be a touchy topic for some. Which is kind of funny. Being that it really isn't that big of a deal, at least I don't think it is. I guess on some levels it is a big deal. Early in my life I didn't BELIEVE deep down it was, but I guess it really was, considering that it made me a little angry and a lot annoyed the other night when I made a surprise confession to a room full of cast mates.
The topic of issue is my name.
As you may know, I never changed my name after I was married. I am now entering my 11th year of marriage and I have not once put forth any effort to make a change. Although I may have said that it was because I was lazy and simply did not want to stand in line at the social security office and DMV for hours changing it, only to have to then change all of my credit cards, accounts, etc etc etc. The truth is, I NEVER WANTED TO CHANGE MY NAME.
There I said it.
I never wanted to change my name. And deep down I'm pretty certain that I never intended to. Apologies to my husband, Eric, but this is the first time I can say it out loud for some reason.
Call me a feminist or whatever, but the truth is I love my name. I like the way it flows. I'm attached to it. it is who I am and who I want to be. And even though it may never ever happen I still hold on to that dream that I may be famous one day.
In truth, Eric never really pushed me to change my name until recently. Maybe this is why this topic has been on my brain for some time now. And honestly it feels so good to say it and admit it not only to myself, but to everyone else as well.
I'm not Michelle Tolley.
I'm not Michelle Guerrero Tolley.
I'm not MGT.
I'm not "Female Tolley". A nickname I have to thank my beloved friend Alison for. I'm sorry dear friend, but I really dislike it. In fact I hate it and I cringe every time some one calls me "Female Tolley". So for those of you that do, please stop. Because very soon I will stop answering to it.
Surprisingly my research found that most countries require that women DO NOT change their name after marriage and others require the names of the spouses to be conjoined or blended. It is believed that England started the tradition of changing the woman's name to the husbands after marriage, essentially making the woman property. First she was property or as they say "Under protection" of her father and after she is married she becomes property or "Under protection" of her husband.
Like I said I'm not a huge feminist, but I am for equality. And the tradition of name changing is not fair in the slightest. Why do I have to change essentially who I am, who the world knows me as and calls me because I got married? Why don't husbands? How is that fair? Eric once made the comment that he hates it when businesses refer to him as Mr. Guerrero because that is not his name. Well guess what? I may not like when businesses refer to me as Mrs. Tolley because that is not my name. Fair is fair right? And some may argue that "it's just a name" whats the big deal. If its not a big deal then I'll just keep my name as is, thanks.
Long story short I just see no point in this tradition.I see no point and I don't know why this is such a hot button for so many people. Why do you men insist that your wife changes her name? Is it because you want all the other men in the world to know that she is now yours? Sorry, but I don't "belong" to any one person. My husband does not get to dictate my daily routine, nor do I his. We work together as a team. Granted I am a spoiled brat and he does a lot to further my spoiled-ness, but that is how it has always been since the day we met. If it is an issue of trust than there is no point of even staying married if a husband believes that the reason his wife refuses to change her name is because she wants to run around with every man she meets. Sorry men, if this were true a name change would not do anything to stop your woman from being the town whore. It is simply preposterous to think a different last name will change that.
I must make this point clear though. I DO NOT FAULT ANY WOMAN THAT WANTS TO CHANGE HER NAME. I do not believe in forcing my beliefs on anyone. I do not expect everyone to think the same way my crazy brain thinks. This is just how I feel. If you want to take on your beloved spouses name that is your business. But, I expect the same courtesy in return. Don't rant and rail to me about how I'm emasculating my husband or how I really must not want to be married because I don't want to take my husbands name. That is ridiculous. Use common sense people. There is no underlying factor here. No hidden agenda. I'm just being frank.
My name is Michelle Guerrero. I am married to Eric Tolley. We have two BEAUTIFUL sons, Connor and Gabriel Tolley.
And one day I'll be famous.
It will happen. Watch and see.
...hopefully it will be for something like my writing and not for robbing a bank to pay for my boys education.
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