You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet

I had a few blogs that I had written prior to the end of 2011. I decided to scrap them in lieu of my outlook for 2012.

Don't worry, you didn't miss much. I went back and read them and it was just me ranting and complaining.

In reviewing my Face Book note written at the end of 2010 on my plans for 2011 I was reminded that 2011 was supposed to be my year. The year I finally stop being a whiny chick that complains about her situation at every possible chance. 2011 was going to be the year that I take by the horns and make my bitch!

Sadly, things did not happen the way I had planned. But in reality, I only have myself to blame. I am a self saboteur. Notoriously so.

I always try to set very attainable goals for myself. Goals that can only have good benefits for me in the long run and I ALWAYS find some way to ensure they don't come to fruition.

I am a self sabotager.

The bad thing is I know this about myself and still do nothing to change it.

For example. I started a pretty strict workout regime in 2011. Mostly to prepare for my role as Blue in the production of Beirut. I was about 3 pounds away from from my goal weight. I was able to run roughly 23 miles on the treadmill per workout and still have energy to lift weights. I was a solid muscle. I was in near peak physical condition and felt fantastic. Still, after Beirut closed, I stopped going to the gym every day, I stopped implementing my strict diet and went back to my bad habits. Two months later I have gone squishy. Luckily I have not gained a lot of weight, maybe 5 pounds total, but I've lost all my tone and definition. So now I have to hit the gym harder than before. Joy of joys.

According to my note my plans for 2011 were as follows:
Losing at LEAST 15 pounds. I would like a total of 20. - Lost a total of 10, bringing my total weight loss to 60. I would still like to lose another 15 total.
Finishing a BIG project. But more of that later. - This didn't happen.

Gaining funding for Anti-Hero. -This didn't happen, but I am still trying.
Taking guitar lessons with Connor. -This didn't happen.

Starting some sort of martial arts class again. -This didn't happen.

Getting Gabriel into drum lessons. -This didn't happen.

Taking a big trip with Eric for our 10 year (HOLY HELL!) Anniversary. -This didn't happen.

Visit my sister, family and friends in Colorado. -This didn't happen.

Take my mom on a BIG trip to New Orleans for her 50th birftday. -This didn't happen.

Sadly ta big reason all of my plans didn't happen was because Eric lost his job in January of 2011. A fantastic way to start the year. And due the lovely financial climate of the country right now he has not been able to find another job.

While I understand that until another form of income is attained most of these will no be possible I will move 2011's goals over to 2012, with minor adjustments of course. I will also add the following:

1. Stop sabotaging my plans.
2. Stop complaining, if I can't do anything to fix what is wrong I will have to let it go.
3. Cut out the negative from my life.
4. Spread as much positive energy as possible. I give myself until the 16th of January to finish my positivity messages to my friends.
5. While I will cut out the negative and bring in the positive I will also not let outside people influence how I feel. Nor will I allow other peoples bad attitudes influence my happy bubble. This will go without saying that if you are being a whiny bastard I will tell you. Not only will I be helping myself I will be helping you. Whether you take it as a helpful statement is up to you.
6. I will write at least 2 hours a day, 5 days a week.
7. Enter completed scripts in at least 7 separate writing contests.
8. Complete 2 separate mud runs and/or marathons.
9. Spend quality time learning about me.
10. Take 2 girls trips with my girls. It has been two years since our last one and that is too much time.
11. Stop being a wuss. Bring the sassy Michelle back that isn't afraid to stand up to evil people and takes no crap from anybody.
12. Be honest. With myself and other people. I am honest to a degree, but I need to stop fooling myself about some things and just accept what I know to be true.
13. Continue to write this blog, at least once per day.

I know that sounds like a lot, but I don't think it is. And I know that many of my friends think I am a crazy person that does way too much as it is. With what I do at The Empty Space, my boys, my writing and acting and directing, you would think my schedule is completely full.

But it isn't.

You ain't seen nothing yet my friends.

I have only been operating at maybe 1/2 of what I know I am capable of. And now I'm ready to turn it up, full throttle. No more woe is me, no more whining about how much my life sucks, no more being lazy, no more sitting back and letting life pass me by. No more self sabotage. Life is only as good as you make it and I'm going to make mine as wonderful as possible. Because it is only when you make yourself happy can you make those around you happy.

Here's to being happy friends and family. Let's not talk about 2011 anymore, let's move on. We've learned our lesson. Let's bring on the positive and throw out the negative.

Hi 2012! My name is Michelle and I am here to kick your ass.