So last night my very first full length play opened, not the first one I have directed. The first I had ever written. The Bullied is based on the stories of 36 teens that committed suicide caused by bullying in 2010 and also interviews I conducted with people that had been bullied. Bullying is a subject that I believe is very relevant to right now and something that needs serious attention. But this blog is not about that. I'll save that novel for another blog.
I really try to always remain calm, cool and collected. So much so that I didn't think that the migraine I had all day may be attributed to nerves. I finally accepted that my nerves were on edge when I got to the theater and I couldn't stop shaking and sweating. And for those that know me well, you all know I sweat like a 500 pound man as it is, but last night was bordering ridiculous. I was shaking and sweating just standing, it was very frustrating to say the least.
To my surprise we had a house of over 80...which just added to my anxiety. My first fear when putting on a show is that my actors will not show up, they all did. My second fear is that no one will show up to watch, which many people did. Now I had a completely new fear...that everyone would hate the show and my dreams of becoming a writer would be dashed.
Come intermission I was surprised to see that no one had left. One gentleman approached me about the possibility of taking the show on the road to schools. I was completely surprised.
I should also state that this has nothing to do with the work my cast has done. It only has to do with me. Totally selfish and self centered, I know, but c'est la vie.
At the end of the show the audience clapped, told the actors they did well...I listened to all of this whilst hiding in the kitchen. After the crowd had dispersed I escaped to the office to read the comment cards turned in by the audience. And many of them were just people signing up for the theatre's newsletter, a few expressed praise and then there was the one. Someone had scrawled a full note on the back of one of the comment cards. As I read I could feel my little balloon of happiness deflating...it started with that they thought the production was amateurish...okay...I read on...they thought the story was biased....huh? Biased? I didn't really get that, but okay. I read on....then they said that they were expecting something completely different....different? Different from what? I mean it's all there in the title, THE BULLIED: BASED ON REAL EVENTS AND INTERVIEWS. No hidden agenda there....I read on...the last statement was them informing me that there is "no such word as "hanged" and I should have used "hung". At that point I grew irritated and actually said out loud, "A picture can be hung, but a person can't. You moron." The people standing near me asked "What?" I said. "Oh, nothing. Just someone being dumb." But I continued to be irritated for quite a while. Until I woke up this morning and thought that I was the one that was being dumb.
I mean I don't expect everyone to like my work. I would love if they did, but it is not a realistic expectation to have. Maybe because this show means a lot to me, more so than many of the other things I have written, I was terribly bothered by those comments. Maybe because they said I was biased in my presentation, either way I got over my irritation, which is record time for me. I should have been angry for at least a couple weeks over that one comment card. Maybe this means I am growing as a person...maybe. I guess I'll have to see what the next three audiences think.
peace. love and pancakes
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